Gold star lesbian v who?

There is another chestnut…er…discussion about “what is a lesbian” at Planetout if you have/haven’t/still do sleep with men.

From the article:

I do think lesbians who have had sex with men are less invested in their identity as lesbians than lesbians who have never had sex with men.

The comments following are very interesting, if only for the straights POV (weird, I know). For me, the point about being invested in calling oneself a lesbian, and the effect of conduct diluting identity, is I think one reason for being confused – or not. Young adults these days seem to me less invested in any (sexuality/gender) labels at all, or is it because they’re just young? Mind you, mature women post-divorce or in widowhood seem to have the same ideas but we accept that they’ve LIVED and can therefore make informed choices.

Maybe I’m just older. I can remember when calling myself a lesbian meant something powerful, life affirming and cherished, an awareness to be protected and defended.

To be invested in a lifestyle means more than fucking, it’s about building a life, an identity, a community and a direction. Not that that direction can’t ever change. Perhaps I don’t understand the ‘whatever!’ form of laissez-faire that seems more like apathy and ADD rolled in one, rather than an understanding of ‘live and let live’. Or perhaps I’m more invested in this life because I set out to build it, with happiness and regrets, from wishes, sticks, words and bricks, and I can’t understand those that now laugh at my lesbian identity when it means the world to me.

For the record, I don’t view women who identity as lesbian but still actively sleep with men, as lesbians. Call yourself bisexual and live with it.

And that concludes my 200th post on this blog.